AWC Sweden

When you are introduced to someone, it is expected that you will shake hands - and any greater invasion of private space is not expected. Even with people you know, you cannot always assume that they appreciate a big bear hug when you meet. It helps to follow their lead.

When invited to dinner at someone else's, a hostess gifts is a must, and a thank you note or phone call within a week of the event is traditional. It is expected to wait for the host/hostess to start eating before you do. Swedes will not begin to eat until they get the "signal" from the host/hostess, who should announce something like, "please begin," or "please eat." It is also common for someone to toast the host/hostess during the meal. The "style" of the toast is to lift your glass, look into the eyes of the person you are toasting, sip the drink, then look back into their eyes and sort of nod before putting the glass down. (don't worry if you can't master this, but it's nice if you try!) At the end of the meal it is almost obligatory to thank for the meal (Tack for maten).

Parties can last a long time in Sweden. It is proper to wait until at least an hour after dinner has been finished and coffee served. Just when you think that you have stuffed yourself with a delicious dinner and dessert, Swedes retire to the living room where coffee and cakes are usually served. There tends to be a lot of alcohol served at many parties (but there are always non-alcoholic beverages served for designated drivers) so it is best to plan on taking a taxi or having a designated driver. The drunk driving laws in Sweden are extremely strict, and most Swedes who are driving will not even take a sip of alcohol during a party.

At weddings, it is common to have a toastmaster who directs the reception (which usually includes lots of original songs for the couple copied up on sheets of paper and put to familiar tunes). The toastmaster will usually call upon members of the bridal party to give a speech (obligatory for the best man and maid/matron of honor). when attending a wedding together, a married couple will not be seated together (the only exception is an engaged couple), even at more casual gatherings. This is the Swedish way to "mix it up." Weddings can go on for a few days, and at least late into the night.

It is usually expected that guests take a little hostess gift (wine, box of chocolates, bouquet of flowers) for most get-togethers. When people move into a new place, you should bring a housewarming gift the first time you are invited (usually a housewarming party). Traditional housewarming gifts such as plants, new placemats, a basket of culinary delight, etc. are perfectly suitable.

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Telephone Use

Swedes will usually answer the phone by stating the last names of those who live there (a business will answer with the name of the business) and expect you to identify yourself right away - before you ask for anyone.

Saying goodbye can sound like saying hello. Many Swedes finish telephone conversations by saying "Ha det bra, hej!" Even though it sounds like they are saying Hi, they are really saying goodbye. "Hej," pronounced "hay" is used for both hello and goodbye (like "aloha" or "ciao"). "Hej då," pronounced "hay dough" is used only for good-bye and is more casual, similar to bye-bye.

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Addressing People
It is common to address people by their first names immediately upon meeting. No one uses Herr (Mr.) or Fru (Mrs.) like we do in English, if they don't know your name, they will most likely say "du" (you). When arriving at a party it is customary for new arrivals to greet and/or introduce themselves individually to everyone else. Typically, this is done by extending your hand and stating your name.

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Neighbors
I don't think that "The Welcome Wagon" concept has made it to Sweden, or at least not to Stockholm. You can go a long period of time before you meet your neighbors, especially if you are living in a residential area. But even though apartment dwellers may see their neighbors on a regular basis, they may not even get the casual nod for a long time.

You can get to know your neighbors, though, by initiating conversation since Swedes rarely initiate conversation themselves. Once you break the ice, you will find Swedes a polite and respectful people, and once you get to know them, they can be very pleasant and helpful. As Swedes tend to be a "shy" culture, you may find the best success by simply starting with a smile, nod, and a demure "hej."

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Quiet Time
Generally established as the time from 11 PM to 7 AM, and may even include using the shower. It is pretty important to follow this rule when you are living in apartment buildings where sounds can be more noticeable/magnified. You should turn down the stereo and slow the tempo of your party at 11 PM. A good way to avoid this is to let your neighbors know that you are planning to have a party, then they are forewarned and can plan accordingly. You may even invite your neighbors to the party (and a great way to get to know them!)

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Sundays
It was generally unacceptable to use loud outdoor machinery on Sundays, for example lawn mowers, hedge clippers, etc. Nowadays, there are people who mow their lawns on Sundays after church hours (1 p.m.) but they may get some dirty looks from more conservative neighbors. You may want to play this by ear. Sunday is family day and it is very common for families to spend the day together (the way we used to 20 years ago in the U.S!).

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Dress
Dress is a difficult subject since it can vary from person to person, place to place. Generally, Swedes have a little more relaxed dress code at work and are more dressy for evening and social events. As long as you are not in the public eye, you can wear jeans and don't need to wear suits (or pressed shirts for men). It is not impossible to see some of your coworkers wear the same outfit two days in a row either.

When going out, Swedes tend to dress up. This could be jeans and a nice blouse/shirt/sweater or a nice outfit. The darker the jeans, the dressier they are. Holes in jeans have never really made it as a fashion statement here.

You can ask your dinner host/hostess what type of dress you are expected to wear. For finer gatherings (especially in bad weather) it is common to wear "outdoor" shoes to the party and carry your "indoor" shoes in a bag. For casual visits, you are expected to take off your shoes at the door (take slippers or indoor shoes with you if you have cold feet!)

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Punctuality
Swedes are almost neurotic about being punctual. Buses and trains are supposed to be punctual, and usually are. Your competence will be questioned and you will be considered disrespectful if you are late. When planning a party be prepared for early arrivals. If you are going to be late, let your host/hostess know.

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Smoking
Smoking is becoming very difficult to do in Sweden. Workplaces are becoming smoke-free, and smokers are forced outside during their breaks to smoke. Many restaurants give you a smoking/non-smoking choice, but there may only be a small divider between you.

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Restaurants
Restaurants can be fairly formal affairs (no throwing popcorn or peanuts on the floor here!). The price of eating out can be very tough to swallow (pun intended!) and you may want to make the most out of it by dressing up. Tips are included in the meal, but as an American I cannot help but leave a tip anyway. Swedes can leave some money for a tip (usually rounding up the bill to the nearest 10 or 100), but do not feel any obligation.

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Personal Security
Swedes generally feel safe to walk about alone at night, and even though Stockholm is a fairly safe city, you should still use caution. Be smart about common sense things: cancel mail/newspaper delivery, use timer devices on lamps, etc. when on vacation (as most Swedes all go on vacation at the same time -- prime pickins for burglars.) Pick-pockets have become very common in Stockholm, as are car break-ins and bicycle thefts. Do not leave things of interest in plain view within a car, and use secure bike locks.

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Accepting an Invitation to Dinner in a Swedish Home
Having guests to dinner is an important part of entertaining in Sweden and is a bit more formal than in the U.S. Following are some of the local customs.

At the table, wait until the host/hostess has formally welcomed everyone to his/her home and offered the first Skål (cheers) before you take a drink.
At dinner parties, the person sitting to the left of the hostess is usually the guest of honor. As such, that person is expected to give a Skål and short speech at the end of the meal to thank the host and hostess for dinner (tack for maten). The speech/toast usually includes flattering references to the food, decor, and company, a joke, and then the Skål.
After the meal, before retiring to the living room, each guest thanks the hostess with a "tack for maten" (thanks for dinner).
When leaving a small gathering, it is customary to shake the hands and say good night to everyone present.
The next time you meet the host/hostess, greet him/her with "tack f�r senast" (thanks for last time).

Dinner Gift

If you are invited to a Swedish home for dinner or supper (middag) it is generally considered polite to bring a small token of appreciation to the hostess/host, e.g., a bouquet of flowers or a box of candy.

Introductions

Whenever you are in a social gathering with Swedes you are expected to introduce yourself and shake hand with the other people present. Don�t expect your Swedish host or hostess to take you around and introduce you, as is the custom in the U.S. That is your responsibility and then if there are others who arrive after you do, they will in turn introduce themselves to you.

Getting acquainted with Swedes
Have you ever wondered what became of the �Welcome Wagon� in Sweden? Well, most Swedes don�t realize what it is like to be a newcomer so their thoughts about making contact tend to be often the opposite of an American�s�they will wait for you to take the initiative. Invite your Swedish neighbor over for a cup of coffee, and break the ice.

Leaving a Swedish table
Upon finishing a meal in a Swedish home and leaving the table it is customary to say �tack for maten� (thank you for the food) to the hostess or host. If it happens to be a family dinner where the children leave the table first, they are expected to shake hands personally with the host and hostess and say �tack for maten� before going out.

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